All I can think when I read this is, "what heaviness you carried around with you, Michael." And I'm sorry.

I think it takes years to figure out what your own spiritual path is. That's been the case for me, which is why I identify myself (spiritually) as Christian with Buddhist undertones because Buddhism helps me be a better Christian.

And your last sentence made me chuckle because that's me, too! Lord have mercy on us both 😁

And yet, we are both beloved souls of God.