I like your statements that turn away from shame and blame.

My mother-in-law set up a pricing system to encourage the kids to do chores. Now, I admit it incentivized a slightly unhealthy work ethic as adults. To clean the windows was $15, to vacuum was $X and so on. My husband learned if he wanted to buy something he just did all the chores and saved. But, as an adult he became more of a spender than a saver and had to shift his thinking.